ONLINE COUNSELING for Divorce & Custody Issues
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divorce and young children
One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce...
| ... and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children's lives. While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. |
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... and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a
divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on
their children. During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied
with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in
their children's lives. While parents may be devastated or relieved by the
divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to
their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that
they may turn to the child for comfort or direction.
Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is
happening, how they are involved and not involved and what will happen to
them.
Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their mother
and father. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their
parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. Vulnerability to
both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of
one or both parents through divorce. With care and attention, however, a
family's strengths can be mobilized during a divorce, and children can be
helped to deal constructively with the resolution of parental conflict.
Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children.
Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and
uncooperative or withdrawing. Older children may feel deep sadness and loss.
Their schoolwork may suffer and behavior problems are common. As teenagers
and adults, children of divorce often have trouble with their own
relationships and experience problems with self-esteem.
Children will do best if they know that their mother and father will still
be their parents and remain involved with them even though the marriage is
ending and the parents won't live together. Long custody disputes or
pressure on a child to "choose sides" can be particularly harmful for the
youngster and can add to the damage of the divorce.
Research shows that children do best when parents can cooperate on behalf of
the child. Parents' ongoing commitment to the child's well-being is vital.
If a child shows signs of distress, the family doctor or pediatrician can
refer the parents to a child and adolescent psychiatrist for evaluation and
treatment. In addition, the child and adolescent psychiatrist can meet with
the parents to help them learn how to make the strain of the divorce easier
on the entire family. Psychotherapy for the children of a divorce, and the
divorcing parents, can be helpful.
Need help with a divorce, custody issues, parent alienation syndrome, or other family issue? We now offer online therapy, consultation, or counseling. Dr. Catherine Cain, PhD, LMFT has over 25 years experience working with families. To find out more visit PediatricBehavior for more information or to schedule an email or online session. Dr. Cain is also a TN Supreme Court Recognized Civil & Family Mediator.