self-control in young children

Self-control is the ability to make choices in how to respond to circumstances rather than just acting on emotion or impulse. The emotion and impulse behaviors are controlled in an inner part of the brain called the limbic system. Self-control, and the decisions to act in a particular way or to override impulses and emotion takes place in the frontal cortex region of the brain. The young child’s first response is to cry, beg, or throw a temper tantrum in hopes that these behaviors will persuade the parent to give in and purchase the candy. A child with self-control, however, is able to understand when the parent tells him or her that s/he cannot have candy because it is too near dinner time with the promise they can have dessert then.

Self-control is important, then, in making appropriate decisions throughout life. A child acting on impulse might dart out into the street without considering the consequences of an approaching car. A child acting on the emotion of anger alone might strike out at another child for taking a toy rather than negotiating to get the toy back.

Self-control begins emerging somewhere around the age of 18 months to 2 years of age. Up until this time, the child is largely dependent upon the adult to make decisions and to administer control over the child’s behaviors. Self-control begins to emerge right along with what is commonly referred to as ‘the terrible twos.’ During this time, the child tests new situations and their consequences. For example, if a mother tells a child to put the toys away and come to dinner and the child has a decision to make. S/he learns through experiences that if s/he complies, s/he will be praised. If s/he decides to linger and not pick up the toys, s/he may be put in time out.

Learning to make choices and accept the consequences for those choices is a life-long skill that is best put into place at this early time in life. Teenagers who do not have self-control often find themselves in trouble with the law for making wrong choices and resisting the consequences. They are at higher risk for drug and alcohol use, and anti-social behavior.

Self-control can be taught. I have had considerable success teaching self-control to preschoolers through a series of exercises and teaching. It is more difficult to teach as the child matures.

As with all behavioral issues, early intervention is the key to success. Don’t wait and hope the behavior will go away. If you have a child with self-control issues, it is best to get help from a therapist trained in early intervention.

Behavioral disorders commonly associated with lack of self-control include: ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, and Conduct Disorder. You can learn more about these childhood disorders by visiting Behavior Disorders.

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