Anger is so often expressed by society as something negative that people often think it is wrong to be angry. Rather than trying to rid ourselves of anger, which is something we most likely cannot do, it is more important to learn how to control our anger and to express it in appropriate ways.

Anger is an emotional experience but some theorists look at it as a "secondary" emotion, rather than a "primary" emotion. That is because anger most often is triggered by another emotion, such as fear or frustration.

Why some people become more angry than others is because each person experiences an event differently. Not only is the person seeing, hearing, or touching the experience and taking in immediate sensory input about the experience, but each person also brings to the experience past memories and other psychological responses that are triggered by the experience. A person for whom the experience triggers intense emotions and memories will have a stronger response to the experience than someone who has no memories or experiences attached.

Once the emotion of anger is triggered, people also deal with it differently. Some people tend to be "stuffers," denying or dismissing their anger and refusing to express it openly. And, "venters" who often let out steam through blow-ups, melt-downs, and intense releases of emotion. Neither stuffing nor venting are particularly emotionally healthy.

The first step in overcoming anger, then, is to determine where your anger is coming from, and what your anger is attached to? Do you become angry when you feel up against a wall with no way out? Do certain situations trigger your anger more than others because of similar past experiences you have had? Reflecting about what your anger is, and isn't, will help you in understanding how to control it.