A parent asked, "What can I do? Robert has been diagnosed with ADHD and depression. He is smart, but the school system held him back regardless. He has been tested and shows a need for occupational therapy, social interaction instruction, and a smaller classroom ratio, but the school board and staff refuse to accommodate him. In the meantime, I see his self-esteem shrinking and he has begun to show stress related signs.

My answer was: Your letter truly touched my heart, not only for your son, but also for the hundreds of other children I have seen in the same situation. Although our school systems have improved tremendously in recognizing the needs of some disabilities, (i.e., visual and auditory impairment, and Autism), they continue to fail students on a national level (both literally and as a figure of speech) with emotional or behavioral needs. As a society, we are quick to help those with a physical ailment, but fail to deal with those with.

If you took a step back in history to 1973, you would find that ALL children with disabilities were simply not allowed in schools or put away somewhere where no one would have to see them (many times in a basement). The first disabilities to catch national attention, and therefore, better services were mental retardation and visual and auditory disabilities. The reason for this was that John F. Kennedy was president in the 1960s and had a sister with mental retardation -- thus, legislation went into effect to help that population of children. Services improved dramatically for students with visual and hearing disabilities ONLY when parents took an active role, joining to fight and change legislation and school policy. Parents of children with Autism have recently followed this same path, becoming united through the Internet and support groups, and using both the legislation and litigation to get their children's needs recognized and addressed in school.

Until parents of children with emotional or behavioral needs do the same, I do not think we will see much change in the school system. That does not mean there is nothing you can do.

First, become active: Get a support group going on the Internet or in your city of parents in similar situations. Visit websites that offer parental support and information.

Second, look in your phone book under the state listings for an advocate for children with disabilities. Many states have advocates and they are dynamic (and free)! They not only know the law, but they will go to battle for you in person with the school systems. If you cannot find a listing, call any social service agency that is related to child and family issues and ask if your state offers advocacy help for children with disabilities.

Third, know your rights! In addition, know them well! Your school system should have given you a copy of your rights (as is federally mandated) but many times the rights are written in lawyer terms and are very difficult to figure out.

Children Have Rights Too
Fourth, become a fighter! You have heard the old term "the squeaky wheel gets the oil". It is true. Know your rights and insist that they are met. Do not be intimidated. I am the mother of a son with extensive learning disabilities and have worked in special education for over twenty years. I know the laws and know my rights, in fact, I TEACH these courses at a university level. Still, I have been plowed over and intimidated at school meetings. Therefore, be prepared. Go into meetings about your son with written information so when emotions escalate you have something to fall back on. Also, bring a friend or two with you to any school meeting for "a second set of ears" and moral support. Also, know that this is going to be a battle for you, every year. I wish I could tell you this was something that will go away soon, but chances are it will not until legislation forces schools to make changes in serving children with ADHD or other social-emotional needs.

Fifth, insist on what you know is best for your child. The most common solution schools use for children with ADHD or behavioral issues is to hold them back. Do NOT allow this to happen. The law supports you on this. This is your decision and you can insist that your child be promoted. Your child is already suffering emotional loss and self-esteem. Holding your son back will only magnify the problem, set him back socially, without serving purpose, as no remedial instruction will be done. Countless children are held back (regretfully, my own son was one of them) with nothing accomplished. 

About the Author: Dr. Catherine Swanson Cain, PhD, LMFT provides counseling and therapy to families of young children with behavior problems or mental health disabilities. She also provides consultation and training to educators, child care providers, and professionals on a variety of behavioral health issues.