What is normal sexual development?

Unless children are interfered with, their sexual development follows a natural sequence regardless of what society may think about sex at any given time. Children are born sexual. Boys are often born with erect penises and girls with lubricated vaginas.

After birth some of the following changes may take place at approximately the following ages:

2 1/2 Years:

• Children begin to notice that boys and girls assume different postures to urinate. They may attempt to copy one another’s postures. They begin to show interest in physical differences.

4 Years:

• Children may play games of ‘show.' They may use ‘bathroom’ talk, and call one another names like ‘Poophead.' When you take them to visit friends, they may show an interest in unfamiliar bathrooms. They may role-play activities they associate with Mommy and Daddy.

5 Years:

• Children become more modest and will demand greater privacy.

6 Years:

• Children begin to demand practical answers about the differences in the sexes. They may want to know where babies come from and how they are made. Parents should give children short concrete explanations which don’t tax their ability to listen. Children also become curious about death at this age.

7 Years:

• There is generally less interest in sexual matters.

8 Years:

• Renewed interest in sex takes the form of smutty jokes, sexual rhymes, provocative giggling and whispering. Grade 3 teachers may find themselves flooded with ‘John loves Mary’ notes.

9 Years:

• Children begin to exchange sex information with friends of the same sex. They may look in books for information about their sexual organs and how they function.

10 Years:

• Some girls and a few boys will have reached puberty by age 10. Children show greater interest in the opposite sex. There is considerable interest in smutty jokes, which will be a little more sophisticated than the jokes they told when they were 8.
  
  Don’t be alarmed if children appear to skip some of these stages. All children are different and they all develop at different rates. The stages listed here are generally true, and are simply intended as guidelines to help you make an initial judgment about whether a specific child’s behavior is ‘normal’ or not.

 About the Author: Dr. Catherine Swanson Cain, PhD, LMFT provides counseling and therapy to families of young children with behavior problems or mental health disabilities. She also provides consultation and training to educators, child care providers, and professionals on a variety of behavioral health issues.