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Social Development of a 5-yr-old

Five year old children are friendly, outgoing, and enthusiastic about life. They begin to establish emotional control and to master many social behaviors. This year offers the parent a moment of rest as the five year old is typically quite calm, self regulated, and self entertaining.

Because the five year old has established a keener sense of "self," they also take ownership and pride in their ideas and beliefs. They may argue a point, be rigid in how they believe things should be done, or insist on doing things their own way.

In addition, five year old behavior includes:

  • Playing well with others.
  • Being affectionate and loving.
  • Continuing to have some irrational fears.
  • Having a special friend or two.
  • Being generous, sharing toys, and playing cooperatively.
  • Being obedient, for the most part, but also being independent and confident in own ideas and ways.
  • Having fairly good self control and making fewer demands of caregivers.
  • Asking a lot of questions and begins to challenge other's ideas and beliefs.
  • Liking to tell jokes and make people laugh.
  • Having some unpredictable mood swings.
  • Boasting about accomplishments.
  • Being eager to learn.

The five year old needs to be given enough freedom to test independence, yet support to ease frustration and to answer questions. They need lots of stimulus, including new experiences, books, activities, friends, and opportunities. They also need positive guidance from parents and other adults in their lives. Negative responses, such as nagging, yelling, or threatening, only serve to stifle the five-year- old's creativity and learning.

You might be concerned about your child's development if your child does not:

  • Alternate feet when walking down stairs.
  • Speak in a moderate voice: neither too loud, too soft, too high, too low, nor monotone.
  • Follow a series of 3 directions in order (e.g., "Stop, pick up the cup, and bring it to me.")
  • Use 4-5 words in acceptable sentence structure.
  • Cut on a line with scissors.
  • Sit still and listen to an entire story (5-7 minutes).
  • Play well with other children.
  • Perform self-grooming skills independently -- brush teeth, wash hands, and comb hair.

Adapted from: Allen, K. E. & Marotz, I. (1989). Developmental profiles: Birth to six. Delmar Publishers Inc.    

 About the Author: Dr. Catherine Swanson Cain, PhD, LMFT provides counseling and therapy to families of young children with behavior problems or mental health disabilities. She also provides consultation and training to educators, child care providers, and professionals on a variety of behavioral health issues.