Giving Directions

1.      Get down at child's level  - Bend down so you are eye-to-eye, face-to-face with your child.

 2.      Make sure you have child's attention - There is no sense saying anything unless you are sure the child is listening. If something is distracting to the child, eliminate it. If the child does not have trouble making eye contact, make sure you have it.

 3.      Give clear, concise, and concrete directions - "Less" is often "More". Say only what needs to be said and nothing more. Give one direction in as few of words as possible and be specific. Instead of "Clean up your mess." Say, "Pick up the toys and when you are done with that I will tell you what else to do."

 4.      Tell child what to do, don't ask - Don't phrase your direction like a question. Instead of saying "Do you want to clean up, now?" say "It is time to clean up."

 5.      Give visual or physical cues when possible - Making gestures, pointing in the right direction, or physically helping the child get started may eliminate a power struggle.

 6.      Always repeat the direction twice giving wait time - Some children process auditory sounds at different rates than others. Young children can sometimes need up to 9 seconds to process a direction. Say the direction and simply wait. Count to 10 if you have to. Then repeat the direction a second time in a calm, matter-of-fact manner to make sure they got it before acting or saying anything more.

 7.      Offer choices when able - Choices eliminate many power struggles. Example: "You need to pick up the blocks. You can either do it now or you will have to do it while the other children are playing outside. What is your choice?" Or, "Do you want to pick up the red blocks or the green blocks first?"

 8.      Follow with a consequence - If the child does not follow the direction after the second warning, remove the child from the situation. Some like to put the child in a time-out chair, a calming location, a bedroom -- whatever! The important thing is to have a consequence for unacceptable behavior. Loss promotes growth. Pain promotes gain.

 9.       Say nothing more at this time - Do not argue. Do not lecture. Show no emotion. Simply wait for your child to get into control. This may take 1 minute or 10 minutes (sometimes at the beginning, this can take 1 hour!). The important thing is to keep the child in the designated area. Maintain a no-emotion rule - -never talk to a child about behavior unless both of you are in a non-aroused emotional state.

  2003 Pediatric Behavioral Health Resources, LLC