Communicate Expectations

 Clear Communication

An important step in changing problem behavior is to clearly communicate to the child what it is you want him/her to do. For example, rather than saying, “Let’s get into the car. I know you want to go to school to see your friends, don’t you?” (The child may scream, “No!” when they really do!), say, “It is time for school. Get into your car and put your seatbelt on.”

 Accept the Child’s Feelings

We ask children to do things they do not want to do on a daily basis, and they fight the issues because they lack the incite of why they must do what it is they are being asked at that very moment when they have other, seemingly more important things to do.

 Therefore, it is important to acknowledge their difficult. Rather than expecting them to enthusiastically jump up and comply when asked to get ready for school, for example, accept the child’s lack of contentment by saying things such as, “It is time for school. Get in the car and put your seatbelt on. I know you were right in the middle of building a tower and it is hard for you to stop. You want to finish the tower before we go but we do not have time. Let’s leave the tower just as it is and you can finish it when we get home.”

 Set Consequences

Often, when a child does not comply with a direction, many parents yell, threaten, beg, or bribe the child to do as s/he was asked. Instead, set a consequence for not complying. For example, “You can either get into the car by yourself or I will help you, that is your choice. I am going to count to three and if you are not in the car, I will know you need me to help you.” Then, count, and put the child in the car. If the child struggles or puts up a battle, you can strengthen the consequence by saying something like, “I know you do not want to get into the car, but you have no choice. If you continue to fight, you are going to make me late for work and if that happens, you are going to have to make up for what you have done by doing chores this evening for me instead of watching television.”

  2003 Pediatric Behavioral Health Resources, LLC